Mind over me..

Well it has been 3 days that I have been walking on my lunch hour. And everyday I still try and figure out a way to tell my friend that I can't walk with her today. I KNOW I have to get healthy. And I feel great, I am already sleeping better. I am tired at night where before I was not. Food is my issue. I want to cut out carbs and sugar and I did for one day then I snuck it back in little by little each day. I know I don't need it, so why can't I just STOP IT.. I need to control my dinners and the foods I buy. Planning... Pack my lunch..

Back again...

I can not believe it has been so long since I have written anything. My job is crazy busy, my commute, it's long. I have just acquired a carpool buddy which is helping the gas money situation. At $4.20 a gallon I had to do something. I am currently managing several situations in my life, this is the first Easter that I have done on my own. It went well but I did miss the family. But this year I decided to say no to the drama. It started before I even went there so I passed. been catching up on doctors appts, not fun but good to be back at Kaiser. Our living situation is challenging to say the least. You know me, I love everyone, but the lack of respect and gratitude is enough for even me to hold resentment and anger. Not to mention the extra money that is spent its OUTRAGEOUS. I understand it is a necessary situation but....wow I never thought it would be this hard taking care of an elderly parent (in-law). I am excited to see what the remainder of this year holds for me and which doors are opened and which paths I choose to follow..

LOVING LIFE one DAY at a TIME!

You know when you read through your blogs and think.. Wow . I am all over the place.. I can see where I say things because I have to be politically correct (because you never know who is reading  your blog). You include someone, in a nice way, because you have to, so they do not feel left out. Let me do another list right now of what I am thankful for. And this one I am going to be as honest as humanly possible (with out hurting feelings, you know me)
1. I am thankful for wonderful amazing friends. The kind that are there for you everyday.. The kind that you can meet up with after months and months and still laugh and crack up and can just be yourself.. The kind that are brand new in your life that Intrigue you and challenge your thoughts and make you want to be a better person. 
2. I am thankful for Quiet moments and the freedom to say I need a break. 
3. I am thankful for my job and the people that are there that make me laugh and give coy glances but yet you know exactly what they are thinking and you don't even have to ask. 
4. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to learn and have the freedom to become anything I want to be in this world. 
5. I am thankful for incredible music. I had put my CD's away for the longest time. Worried that they might get stolen, then I got them out the other day and WOW.. I missed them and I did not even know it.. I forgot just how much music means to me. I have always known that but hearing all the different kinds I love to listen to Jill Scott, rock out to Creed, NIN etc., scream sing Evanessance, Natalie Merchant.The kind that gets you all hot and bothered, PINK, Enya, Sade, "Favorite Damn Disease" LOVE those the most.. (so hot) .. I just love it and I never want to loose that again. EVER. 
6. I am still thankful for my son and the other people in my life who continue to make it run smoothly, however I am very aware now of the moments of guilt I feel for not being able to spend the time necessary to fulfill relationships completely. 
7. I am thankful for not having to put myself 2nd anylonger. I need to know that I come 1st along with the needs of my son. I refuse to loose my identity again. 
8. I am thankful that I am not materialistic even though some that are close to me try to say that I am. 
9. I am thankful that I am a positive person and that I can always see the silver lining. 
10. I am thankful to be alive and hope I have many many more years.
So this is my note of gratitude that I am sending out into the world. I am greatly blessed and I love life and the people in it. I want to experience everything and I think people cheat themselves when they hold back. there is JOY in every moment if you are looking for it. 
I hope I can be a positive influence in others' lives each and every day~!! 
Make a Wish walk coming up in April. Let me know if you would like to donate so I can tell you how.

WOW.. So long, so much.

I love this color. I don't know why I just do. I was inspired tonight by a blog that I follow called counting blessings. First, I love the way that she has her page set up and I wish mine could do that too. Just not sure how. Second her post was so simple and true it is hard not to follow suit. So I decided to put together a little list of thing that I am thankful for right now:

1. I am thankful for my new job. It is amazing. It is far away but well worth it. I believe that I am there for a reason and I plan to find out why real soon.

2. I am thankful for my very well behaved 16 year old boy. I have heard so many nightmares about teenage life that I was so scared. I love the fact that people comment how well mannered he is and how lucky I am.

3. I am thankful for the family that I have in my life right now. They support me and keep me on my toes. I have an amazing man who takes care of everything that I am not able to due to my commute. I have a sister in law that keeps the adventure coming and extended elderly family that gives me an opportunity to find my inner patients and understanding.

4. I am thankful for a stepbrother to my son that keeps him entertained and can show the meaning of helpfulness just when you thought it was lost.

5. I am thankful for my dog and even my cat too. My dog makes me smile everyday. I love him so much. My cat on the other hand is a bit hard to handle. He used to be such a lover of a cat and now he is quite independent and stand offish. However it makes me cherish our close moments all the more.

Well enough about all that. I am needing to go to bed now. I am trying to go to bed earlier due to an early morning leave time of 540am.. Looking forward to my new beginning next week we shall see. We shall see.

Long Time NO Blog.

Um, Yeah have not blogged in forever... Sorry.. Be back soon. Maybe.. hahaha

Pinning is done.. Another chapter closed. Now for the testing.. Had the 1st class for review and loved it. He is teaching all the things we already know about how to take a test and the process of elimination. Even though you already know this, hearing it makes it really sink in. I think it is a huge accomplishment especially doing this all part time. So, right after my pinning was done and the 1st review class was over I got so sick. I think all of the 2 yrs of work and being over tired caught up with me all at once. I have not been that sick in a long long long time. I am finally feeling better today but I am sore from lack of movement. I slept more than 12 hrs. yesterday and I should have been at work to make up for the time I am missing next week. Oh well, this is my new focus. I am excited and can't wait to see what happens next. This gives a whole new meaning to you can do anything that you put your mind to. Now it is off to read and study and pass this... with flying colors I might add...

WOW now that's a Great Price!!

I must say that I am very happy right about now. There are many things that have come and gone since my last BLOG "rant" ... I am content. I am happy with my situation. I am liking my job again which is pleasant. I have found a way to make it all work. I think it is funny how your mind can just take over and control you. I will be graduating soon from Nursing school (LVN) My exit exam is on the 20th of May. There are times when I will be sitting alone or having a conversation with someone and it hits me. It will actually take my breath away. I will actually sigh or gasp depending on how hard it hits me, to the point where the other person asks me "what? Are you ok?" and I have to answer Yes, I am just amazed that this phase of my life is coming to an end. and in turn that means that another phase begins. Went to placement the other day and turned in my resume and explained to them that I am looking for a hospital job and would prefer Kaiser. I could see that she was holding back a laugh.. I don't care. I am working and getting paid and I plan on continuing to do so. So yes. I will wait for what I want. I will become a nurse and continue to go to school to get my RN... But I refuse to work in a place where there is so much carelessness that patients are double medicated just because the Lazy nurse on the shift prior did not sign off that she had already given that medication. I refused to work in a place where they staff thinks it is funny to spray shower water in the face of someone until they finally scream for them to stop it. And most of all I refuse to work in a place where the Owner , the DON and most of the staff is related. Nope not for me. What I do want to do is make a difference in someone's life that does not have family. I would love to teach.. I would love to work 3 twelve hour shifts and be done for the week to spend more time with my family.

I want to stay in touch with the people that are important to me. I don't want this to be another situation where you spend a couple years of your life with people and then get so busy that you don't have time for them anymore. All the money in the world can't buy the friendships and love that we have. That is what matters most.

I want to stop the video games in the house.. We are doing our children such a dis service. I want to explore the world and the people in it. Oh that reminds me. I wonder if I won the Lotto.. I have a 210 chance out of 7 quadrillion billion... Not bad..

"ON PURPOSE"

Today I write not about me but because of me. There are a lot of people that are surprised at my being so forgiving and such a second chance giver. I always "try" and see the good in people almost to a fault. I make excuses for others that they don't even make for themselves. Oh she is not mean she was just brought up wrong, that is all she knows. I can't even tell you how many times I have said that. Now, for some reason I am figuring out.... NO really she is just mean. She is just making a deliberate choice to be mean. And still I am totally amazed by it. I guess I don't understand how people can be so mean, on purpose. I don't understand how people get passed over for promotions, I don't understand how you can give so much of yourself to someone and at the end of the day they don't even really care about you... AND.by the way, for those of you that know me I am not speaking about any of my "romantic relationships".past or present... Todays blog is purely about friendship, women, and the one time that a girl who is usually very optimistic and seems to be there for her friends and bosses and co workers for the first time woke up and figured out that there are people in her life that are using her "on Purpose" .. Which I might add I am totally amazed by. There are a choice few that I am very happy to call my friends and through the test of time that friendship has been proven over and over. From sleeping on people's couches, to forgiving what seems to be the unforgivable (which in turn just brought us closer), and for the newest of the bunch listening and understanding really where I am coming from because although we have had very different lives our bad habits and vices are the same. The latter of these also tells me like it is .. No sugar coating, no beating around the bush to spare my feelings. She just says it and I accept it and we are fine.

What I want to know is when did 'doing the right thing' become the exception not the norm. I am in an industry that I feel is changing me and I need to get out before it is irreversible. And all the good I do goes completely unnoticed and all the bad that is done by some is totally accepted and promoted. ( no pun intended) ~ i just cracked myself up~

This is not me having a pity party. This is what I call a self actualization moment and venting.. All rolled into one. And what do I get from all this:

BE happy with what you have and stop looking to improve it because all that does is take time away from the bliss you could be experiencing.

Also incredible friendship is hard to find. Make sure those that are so important to you know just how much they mean to you.

And finally don't worry so much about what others think of you, they may not even be in your life a year from now.

Trust your instincts, don't make excuses for other people's behavior and don't let negative people or situations change who YOU are...

ME

Harder than I thought,,,in a way!

Well what I really need to know is.... If I eat out anyways but don't pay for it myself... Is that breaking the plan? I did eat out today. Kinda. I took breakfast to work with me.. Yeah, good for me! So that saved me 5 dollars.. Then some one asked me if I wanted something from the cafeteria and I said no thanks... Everyone knows that at my work that means... no I have no money... So the next thing I knew I had a BLT on my desk. Then I have to admit that I did buy a grilled cheese sandwich from the cafeteria and a drink. So that was the 5 dollars that I saved from breakfast. Then home after work .. No new food bought. Great dinner made by Jeff and wonderful visits from the sisters.. So outcome of my 1st full day on this new plan...

saved 5 dollars.

spent 5 dollars

Calories saved.. NONE.. due to generous friends and no lunch brought to work..

Bank acct... still at 10.00....We will see what tomorrow brings.

me

MY COMMITMENT TO NO LONGER EATING OUT

This is it~ I am no longer spending money on food. I mean fast food! Restaurant food!

I am on a mission to change by bad habits and save money! I don't bring my lunch or dinner because I do not plan properly. Well, I have had enough. I am broke and heavy and totally sick of it. Recently I was making my son listen to the 7 habit of highly effective teens and found that I was getting just as much out of it as he was. One of the habits is begin with the end in mind. I love that. We are always thinking of goals and resolutions but I know that I am thinking about how hard it is going to be to complete this venture. Not thinking about how much money I will save or how healthy I may become. So this time I am beginning withing the end in mind. One of the other habits is telling the truth all the time... it makes you feel whole inside.. I love this. I think that a lot of us tell little white lies or lie to ourself so much that it is quite damaging. I tell myself all the time that I deserve to eat this or go to this restaurant because I work and go to school and I am a mom and I am a divorcée. When really the fact of the matter is ... I deserve to be healthy and debt free and stress less over the fact that I may not be able to pay for the gas bill because I have decided to eat out 6 times this week instead of packing my lunch and taking the time to plan my meals for the week. Also there is a part in the book where he speaks about your personal bank account and making deposits or withdrawals and how it effects your mindset and self confidence. If you make a promise to yourself ... keep it... If you tell yourself you are going to wake up at 6am and workout then do it. It will do wonders for your self worth and overall attitude. So this is my new venture. Blogging and keeping my word to myself to plan my meals and save money. Graduation is on May 20th.. Let's see how much money I will have saved by then.. GOOD LUCK TO ME...

Day 1. Sunday April 11, 2010..

No food bought out today so far... savings acct 10.00 to start. (normally I wold have purchased a breakfast out today so 10.00 in) each time I would have purchased a meal out I will deposit that money in this acct to see how much I can save by May 20th.

Really Neat!!

OKAY, well I think I am doing better at this blog thing. I have finally figured out how to read other people's blogs by hitting the "next blog" button. So I have found 2 people that have caught my eye. The 1st one is Counting blessings.. I think that is what the name is. But it is a great little (Mormon) family. I am dating a Mormon man and am very interested in the church so it is neat to "follow" a young family like that. The other one is RYAN I think. Forgive me if I am wrong, but I read his blog and was quite happy and taken back. I am interested in travel as well and it seems that he has done some travel and has had some neat and unique experiences. I was so happy to finally figure out how to place a background on my page and I LOVE IT. It suits me just perfect. Now if I can just figure out how to post pictures throughout that will be great! I just watched Julie and Julia... I loved that movie. It really says a lot for blogging and finishing what you start. I like this blogging thing and as for finishing what I start well that is a point of contention for me as well. So what I am going to do is a new topic and I am going to stop (not try and stop).... Stop spending money on fast food. I eat out every day and it is killing me.. Not only weight wise but also money wise. So I am going to commit to no longer spending money on eating out. Now I know for a fact that anyone can do anything for a moment but in order for this to work for me I have to just set some limits first. So it should be interesting to see how all that works out. SO I just want to take a moment to thank my 2 bloggers that I am newly following for doing a wonderful job on their blog and also for allowing me ( a stranger ) to connect in a close yet distant manner. Happy Blogging.... ME

EASTER

Well today was a wonderful day. Relaxing and family filled. Still trying to feel at home. Still trying to feel like this is my home and that I am not just visiting. With work and school it is hard to feel home.

I wish I could see ahead to the future and figure out what choices I am supposed to make before I make them. I know that would take the fun out of it all but I do not want to make a mistake when it comes to my life and the life of my son. There are ups and downs all the time and I know what choices I have to make and, as I stated before, most of the time I choose not to follow through with the correct choice. Not sure what to make of that. Does it have to do with discipline? Or is it about control?

I am feeling closer to God everyday and learning a lot about myself and the others around me. I tend to trust everyone to the fullest until they give me a reason not to trust.. I get hurt often in that process. Still I believe in the good in people. Strange.. Yeah. I think so too.

Want to learn more about this blog site. I see so many that have great pic's and layouts and I love that. Not sure where to begin... So I have decided to just wait. I do not have a lot of time. With graduation coming up next month, I will wait and see what that brings. As for now I need to make the choice to study, plan my meals, save money and be happy. Every day .. you never know if tomorrow will ever come. Make your memories today. Don't wait for tomorrow. Life is a blessing and I thank God everyday for all of the many blessings in my life.

I read this today and it stuck with me.... " Why do you always want more of what you don't need.... Because what you don't need does not satisfy." That is why people are always searching for something more... and more ... and more... because they can't see that what they already have is perfect... Be content...

Notice the world

There are so many things that I think about each day that I never do. There are many people that I run into that I will never see again. How many people around us never speak to another person all day long. My family laughs at me because I say hello to EvErYoNe. I compliment people on their shirt or their hair, everyone deserves to smile at least one time per day. Why is it that some people are so nice to strangers and yet do not take proper care of themselves. Everyone needs to know what it feels like to sit in silence for just a half of an hour. When is the last time you experienced peace and solitude. It has been a while for me. In my home there is always a TV or Video Game on. If that is not on then there is music or people in the pool outside. To have complete silence to sit with just your thoughts and feelings is rare. Children need to get out in Nature again. Then need to play in the dirt and be allowed to be kids. Joy is in the moments. Love in the in silence. Peace comes with faith in knowing that no matter what you choose today it will always make for a better tomorrow. Everyone say Hi to a stranger today. Offer to pay for the person behind you in the drive thru. Make eye contact. Love with your whole heart and sit for just a while in silence.